and so the holidays begin

I still remember that particular episode vividly. The series of events that transpired over a few days back then has annihilated utterly my faith in them--all of them, who bared and wielded their craftiness and hypocrisy so cruelly and heartlessly. Being someone whose falsity and hypocrisy overshadow even the sun's brilliance, I'm probably one of the rare few who actually understand the importance of practicality, but their actions at that point of time cast only the darkness of shame and depravity over themselves. Even today, I cannot forget the line-up of incidents that gave rise to my profound sense of chagrin and contempt at everyone who was involved in the melodrama.

Anyway, time has allowed me the freedom of contemplation, which, as usual, gnaws at my twisted soul as a termite would chew off peeling pieces of wood. I've spent a gajillion hours mulling over the implications of staying in a JC, my unfounded obsession with a certain aspect of life that has seemingly rekindled a fire in my heart, my pursuit of my passion in information technology at my leisure, the apparent indolence that has taken control of me and many other issues that gradually drive a stake into my heart inch by inch with each passing day. I really am lost with regards to these peculiar thoughts, as they tear me apart bit by bit, swearing not to cease until I lie on the ground in shreds. It is this that has spurred me to this extreme and proverbial notion: times like this call for desperate measures.

I apologise for the cryptic paragraph above, but I just had to force the soul-consuming stress out somehow, even if it only alleviates an inconsequential fraction of the pain.

On a more positive note, Vivian's birthday was a stupendous success! All of us certainly enjoyed ourselves, and it was rather obvious that Vivian had a lovely time too. She owes all thanks to Royson for such astounding fun on her special day. The only downside was the lack of available movies at the stipulated timing, which left us with only one choice, "Gokusen the Movie." I wouldn't say that it was exactly horrible, but it wasn't really value for money, so to speak.

In any case, I will put up some photos of Vivian's cake-cutting at my house soon! It's a pity that I neglected to snap some photos of her opening the presents that all of us gave her.

I will end on that note, with me having to return to my pursuit of greater C++ knowledge to fulfil my passion of information technology.

仙剑问情

is it time?

Results are out at long last. There’s nothing spectacular about my grades, although I’ll admit that I was rather shocked when I received the piece of paper that proclaimed my fate. The path to JC2 is uncertain, however, as I mull over the implications of switching to a polytechnic at this crucial juncture instead.

I’m guessing that I’ll eventually settle on the decision to stay in NYJC, though. In all honesty, an extra year is not at all appealing.

Anyway, today’s release of results has finally lifted a tremendous burden off my shoulders, as I no longer have to fret over the possibility of being retained or forced to drop out of school. Nonetheless, my mind does not seem to be any more at ease, despite the huge sigh of relief that today has brought me. I attribute that to various factors, one of which is the consideration of switching to a polytechnic.

Economics project looks like Oral Presentation all over again. I’ll be better prepared this time, though, and will not let myself down again. OP was horrible enough, and the mere thought of it still makes me shudder with profound consternation. I really need to refine my public speaking skills.

I can already foresee the snail-like pace of time in these two weeks.

unyielding love

These videos inspire a multitude of emotions in me. Those who have watched the show will understand the significance better.

clawed hands and maniacal laughter

Another week has ended, and the major day of decision-making draws on apace with the ticking seconds that seem to hold only in an illusory dimension. I hardly know how I'm spending each day, with my mind being in and out of reality promiscuously each day.

Anyway, over the week, I've reached several conclusions that involve myself and only myself. Some of my decisions may not necessarily be the best for myself, but I believe that it is ideal for everyone else. I'm not living in self-denial by the way; I'm not half as noble yet. It's just that even the most arrogant of all humans must accept the harsh truth sometimes. After all, what is a fact remains a fact no matter what.

In other news, I'm awaiting the arrival of my Windows 7 DVD eagerly. Judging from the recent clamour regarding Mentor Media and Lenovo, however, I predict another two to three weeks before the disc reaches me. Well, I'm not exactly that anxious for it, although it would be better for the software to arrive as soon as possible. Windows 7 is purported to perform better than Windows Vista, although the difference may not be significant depending on the particular system. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint me, considering all the hype over it.

Also, I simply cannot wait for my current SIM contract to expire; I need a new phone and the youth plan badly. My current phone is moribund, having being reduced to a stage beyond decent usage. In fact, "reduced beyond decent usage" is far too much a compliment for its present status. At the moment, the Acer NeoTouch looks rather appealing, with the Samsung Omnia II following closely behind. I'll probably get the cheaper of the two, since money is a major issue after all. However, before my dream of a new phone can be fulfilled, my current SIM contract must expire. I hope that it will be soon, because I don't know the exact date.

Project Work will reach its conclusion in one week's time. The end of Oral Presentation is an attractive prospect indeed. While I find public speaking to be relatively fascinating, I've always been pathetic at it, and having 40% of my Project Work's grade lying in its hand doesn't sound peculiarly enticing. I'm probably going to lose that 40%.

My blog's posts have lost their vivacity gradually. Perhaps I should just stop blogging altogether.

stars blaze in the night sky

The Chinese 'A' Level paper ended this morning, and I'm glad to say that I've given it my all. Regardless of the result, I'll be at peace with myself knowing that I've done my best.

That is of course the ideal situation. Oftentimes, I find myself immersed in intense regret, engaged in retrospect over past indolence that has cost me more than what I can afford to lose. It is when I'm swimming in the sea of time, looking back at the causes of my failings, that I realise I already have nothing to lose. In fact, I have had nothing to begin with in the first place.

In other news, I've finally finished watching "Chinese Paladin 3" (or, if you prefer the original name, 《仙剑奇侠传三》). The stories that it tells are both blissful and tragic, with a cornucopia of intricacies weaving themselves into a web of deceit and reality, painting an eternal picture of love. Yes, love is that mystical; the numerous ideas behind love are so grossly convoluted that its threads have long formed a cloak of delusion that drapes over human hearts. While watching the show, I once again felt my heart moved; that gentle fluttering, coupled with the queer sensation that both burns and chills, is ever so familiar, as it rises from the core of my soul. It rekindles the memories that I've tried hard to seal in my mind's deepest abyss.

Anyway, that aside, I really love the soundtracks in the show--every single one that is available. I really, really recommend that everyone listen to the soundtracks, no matter if you want to watch the show or not. I'm not lying: the soundtracks are simply heavenly.

Now that I've cast some thoughts onto this blog, I will take my leave to practise for Oral Presentation once again. As usual, it is a much dreaded aspect that seems to hold a feud with me.

lost and feeling incomplete

I'm happy; that is if you consider sulking around in school every day without anyone really noticing it and forcibly squeezing out every last morsel of spirit to look active in class as being happy.

I'm depressed; that is if you consider being able to keep either a stoic or cheerful face throughout the entire release of the promotional examinations' scripts, for which I performed heinously, as being depressed.

I'm apathetic; that is if you consider my invariable rumination over a cornucopia of issues and my intense worries for just about everything as being the signs of an indifferent person.

I need to find the missing factor in my life to piece the disparate pieces of the bewildering puzzle together.

My life is incomplete at the moment.