thoughtless ramblings

The year is drawing close to an end.

2010 has been, of sorts, a really eventful period for me. The transit from a junior college to a polytechnic, the people who have come and gone in my life as well as the personal experiences that have crafted a part of my reflection have all culminated in a rapid and tumultuous year. The mud that had sunk as I trudged along the solitary field left me no time for a breather as I raced against the threat of being consumed entirely in shades of brown--the brown that ran along the trail up to a series of wooden fences that barbed wires hugged securely. It was this year, amid all the chaos and internal tempest, that I found the grit to break the wooden boards despite the iron snake that crawled around the wood eating into my skin, hungry for the red droplets that trickled elegantly down my body. You could almost say that it was a work of art, one that held many meanings but described only one thing--life and its eternal process.

In a year, many things can happen. As we grow with time, and the numbers that represent our age increase, our perspectives shift--but not necessarily for the better. Life seems to whirl endlessly around us, as an unseen force dictates that we continue to evolve--and as we do, others do as well. It is a vicious cycle, but a beautiful one, if we learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are. That is the first step. We are never certain of ourselves, because we are changing constantly, our blood flowing in rhythm to the majestic wheel of time. It is not a sin to be different from others, and it is definitely not a sin to be different from who you were.

However, even as life moves on, certain things hold fast. Meanings come in every shape, formed at the slightest nuance; those that do not agree lead to a whole new path, dictated by what that refuses to change. These are the ideas that give the whole sense of an individual to a person and all that goes on in life as a result. It is what we believe in and choose to fight for that defines us; it is this that counts. Given that there is no true selflessness, is selfishness fundamentally a bad thing? The distinction between the motives behind our actions shrouds itself in a nebulous mist.

Life is never clear, but sometimes we must pretend that it is like crystal.